February 3rd: Reflections and Ramblings

Day 18, 7:30PM: As I stand at my window staring at the fish pond behind my dorm, I can’t help but contemplate life itself. Thoughts swirl in my mind like a whirlpool of thousands of separate thoughts, each of which being pondered in great detail. I can’t help but analyze the lighting patterns of the leaves on the water, the way the light diffuses in the water, picturing the angle of the incoming lift and the resultant vectors of the photons that seem to make the landscape dance before my eyes. Everywhere I look I don’t simply see trees and concrete, but the possibilities that exist before my eyes.

I think to myself “Ah! It’s Sunday! Hmm, what do I do now?” This was my first day with truly nothing on my agenda. So what do I do? Nothing really.

The most interesting thing to happen was when I was talking to Grady (a good friend of mine at USC) and he went off to dinner. I was slightly annoyed at the fact dinner took him two and a half hours and I had to wait for him to get back before we could play Starcraft, but when he returned he asked me an interesting question, “What is it to be human?” On the surface it seems deceptively simple, if you look like a person and are physiologically like us then you’re human. End of story, right? Not really. This question arose when Grady was talking with Henry at dinner and the subject of upgrading humans came up. Now, I’m a huge fan of technology and believe it has the power to transform our lives in ways we can’t even imagine. If someone offered to implant a device in me that would allow me to be stronger or faster, I would probably take them up on it. But at what point does upgrading people no longer make them human? If you change someone’s DNA to make them smarter, are they still human, or something else?

At the beginning of our conversation I thought I knew the answer to this question, but the more we talked the more I realized that it is a very difficult issue, and will only grow more complex as technology advances. For example, we like to think of ourselves as rational beings. Yeah right. Nothing could be farther than the truth – we are certainly not rational. Those pesky things called emotions get in the way of us making rational decisions based on the information available to us. So, if you could tone down a person’s emotions or eliminate them completely, one could argue that it would produce a better human. On the other hand, without emotions, is it still human? I found this idea to be particularly intriguing because I am certainly not an emotional person; I do not like emotions because they interfere with logical and rational thinking. In fact, most of what I do is carefully calculated and I suppress emotions because they are often an annoying hindrance. By doing so I can look at situations clearly and not have my judgment clouded. It’s not a perfect solution by any stretch of the imagination, but I like control. So, although I personally am not a very emotional person, I’m still human.

So is a person without emotion human? I think not. Experiencing and dealing with emotions are part of the human condition. One of my favorite quotes of all time is a quote from none other than Star Trek Nemesis in one of the deleted scenes where Picard is talking to Data about the human condition and says to him “To be human is to aspire to be more than you are.” This is one of my favorite quotes of all time because it speaks to our innate desire to make ourselves better and improve our lives. Anyone who does not aspire to better themselves isn’t living out their life to their fullest potential. This single quote shaped my life a great deal and is one of a small handful that I try to live my life by. No matter what I do or accomplish, I always strive to be better than I currently am and to improve myself.

Later that night I was sitting at my desk when I happened to pull up the ‘my pictures’ document on my computer by accident. I was about to close the window when something inside me decided to look through the folder. I ended up looking at all the pictures I took during one of my last nights at USC where I wondered around campus in the pouring rain at 2AM and took pictures of the campus at night in the rain. As I browsed through the pictures and recalled the experience I had that night taking the pictures I began thinking. This is not an uncommon occurrence and I devote a large portion of my time to thinking because I believe that striving to discover deeper truths and better understand the world in which I live is crucial to making me a better person.

So I looked out the window and allowed my mind to race through whatever thoughts happened to swim through. When I think, I don’t think in words or images, but rather I let my subconscious wonder and do whatever it likes. It’s sort of weird to know that I’m thinking, but is not know what it is I’m thinking about. Anyways, because I don’t entirely know what I think about it’s hard for me to say much else, although I think I thought about the same things I usually think about. Generally that’s looking back on my decisions and trying to consider the alternative ramifications, or pondering what I want to do with my life and what will make me happy. Often it also includes thinking about friends, so if you’re reading this, chances are you’re one of the people I think about. But looking at those pictures of USC at night is something that is more special than most other pictures, partly because of how much I love my school, but largely because the way the light reflects and the shadows and contrasts simply ignite my mind and help the idea flow. If you’re curious, look at this link for those pictures: http://usc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2196575&l=20d84&id=3423216 and http://usc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2196578&l=ddf63&id=3423216

But I’ve rambled on enough for now. Maybe that gives you some sort of insight into who I am as a person, maybe not. I hope it didn’t come across sounding weird or anything because it’s sort of hard to put into words. In fact, kindly disregard this post. Thank you.